As we cope with the change of Covid-19 we might find our selves in strange states of emotional upheaval. Regulating our emotional arousal levels is a skill we can learn.
You might be coping and working, and perhaps you are even busy. But you might find yourself alternating between anxiety and tiredness, overwhelm and lack of motivation.
Here are some practices to help.
Watch the video on Psychologies LifeLabs
Find other resources to help you cope with a crisis here.
As we enter our eighth week of COVID-19 lockdown, fear is all around us. Not least is the concern about contagion and illness caused in humans by this strand of RNA that we have called coronavirus. Then there is the financial stress and concerns about our mental health during the isolation of the crisis.
We might have anxiety about going out, as lockdown begins to ease. We might not even feel safe in our own homes anymore. Nevertheless, in the midst of trauma we are deprived of the place of true safety. The safety of the present moment and the safety in our own bodies. This is a simple yet powerful technique to begin to break the hold that trauma has on you.
Read the full piece in my article on Psychologies Life Labs.
When we are in the throes of our problem, whether that be anxiety or depression or some other disturbance, it can be difficult to see it as something other than a terrible crisis that is afflicting us.
In this respect our very way of seeing the problem perpetuates the problem. Being in the midst of the problem, consumed by it, overwhelmed by the right brain’s subjective negative experience, makes us blind to the real nature of things. This ‘veil’ prevents us from seeing reality. It is what yoga calls ‘maya’; the illusion that there is an objective reality.
Maya is projection, it leads to partial understanding and wrong or false notions about our self, our identity and our reality.
In the Indian tantric myth of the rishi couple, Shiva and Parvati, who lived in a mountain village, the play of reality and illusion is brought out beautifully when Parvati asks: “the minds of people are full of tension and strife, suffering, pain, anxiety, difficulty … Why is there so much desire and craving in human beings … They constantly desire to acquire something which leads to more agitation and anxiety … Why do human beings get entangled in this vicious cycle?”
According to tantra, this disturbance within each individual is an expression of the state of their energy and their consciousness. In this respect, disturbed mental states are projections of energy and consciousness. There is no reality, each of us lives in our own version of reality, which is largely a projection of our unconscious mind.
By understanding this we can begin to see our problems as simply the end of an illusion: a chance to expand consciousness to another level. But, as Jung said; “man will do almost anything to avoid facing his own soul”. When we ignore, deny or repress our spirit (our soul), in our obsessive over-identification with our body and/or our mind, the spirit only breaks through in the form of neuroses and mental disturbance.
So how can you start to change your ‘problem’?
In this respect, psychotherapy is ‘spiritual’ and yoga is psychotherapy, ‘all roads lead to Rome’ so to speak.
This piece was first published on Psychologies Life Labs
Before COVID-19 struck, burnout was on the increase. Carers and people in positions of responsibility are more at risk. A friend of mine recently went on holiday and had to spend 48 hours in A&E because he collapsed with exhaustion. He recently told me, ‘as the MD I am the lifeblood of the business, if I stop, it all stops.’ Do you know anyone like this who needs some help with burnout?
Half a million people in the UK suffer work-related stress and there is a worryingly high number of cases of burnout. Anyone can get it. A stay-at-home mum, a busy business owner, students, middle managers. It is particularly prevalent in the caring professions. During the coronavirus crisis, it does not have to be inevitable that our frontline carers suffer from burnout. We can be under even extreme pressure and not be at risk.
The first step in getting help with burnout is to be aware of the symptoms of burnout so that you can do something about it before it affects your physical and mental health.
There are three core categories of symptoms in burnout: emotional exhaustion; depersonalisation and reduced personal accomplishment. How do you spot them?
On the surface these symptoms are similar to depression, but being specific to the context of work is what makes the difference. The causes of burnout can include:
Importantly, perhaps it is worth knowing about what you can do to handle burnout symptoms before you collapse from exhaustion:
If you can relate to this article, you might need some help. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not of weakness. And seeking the help of a professional can often be the greatest gift you can give to yourself, and your loved ones!
Here are some resources to help.
A simple self test if you are worried about yourself or someone you know.
Read more about stress on our blog.
Read more about breathing techniques to help you relax.
Find more resources here.
Conflict anxiety is rife. In my experience, most people have some fear of conflict. In fact, some will go to any length to avoid it.
In its essence, conflict necessitates that we be seen. If we take a stand to speak up for what we don’t agree with, we risk being seen for what we believe in. Indeed, I think it is a vulnerable place to be. If there is a part of us that says ‘I am not worth it’, it will feel scared in any kind of conflict situation.
Here is an article I recently wrote for Psychologies Mag to help you handle conflict.
We are all in the middle of a trauma situation right now. Some are coping, others are not doing so well. This has nothing to do with how ‘strong’ or otherwise we are. This is about more than having ‘mental health issues’. Trauma has an effect on all of us and if we don’t have ways to discharge trauma we will be left with the after effects of undischarged trauma. This is called post-traumatic stress.
It may be that those who are coping better, have habits that help with managing trauma. Conversely, those not doing so well may also have a prior history of undischarged trauma and this might be being triggered every time they go to the supermarket or watch the news headlines.
I had a client say to me the other day “whichever way you turn, no one really cares about us as (certain type of healthcare worker). We never get mentioned, or noticed. That is the story of my life.” (I have taken the profession out to protect confidentiality)
It goes without saying that my client was and is getting attention in their job. But this was their experience in their childhood, so they were experiencing current events through this lens.
Another client said to me “I feel abandoned. No one contacts me. No one cares and not one person is there for me.” Nevertheless, when we explored further people had been contacting them. This person had not been proactive in reaching out though, and was waiting for others to make the first move (which will reduce the amount of contact of course). This is another example of how our past traumas of emotional neglect, real or perceived abandonment and loss can mean that the current situation is more highly charged.
Nevertheless, the trauma of COVID-19 is real and rife. These include at least three areas:
Whilst some of might feel the adverse effects more than others, not least because of our triggers, we can help ourselves.
There are a number of pre conditions for trauma, boxes that must be ticked if you like, that need to be present for us to experience trauma.
If we let ourselves sink into the trauma response, we won’t be able to cope. It is important to know that trauma is as much of a response from our body as from our mind. We might think of the experience of trauma as a ‘natural response from our body to a highly unnatural event’. However if we don’t take action to mitigate these effects we will remain even more vulnerable.
Here are some things that really work to help you cope during this time:
I hope these tips have been helpful. Please join my Embodied Living – Coping with Covid group to experience practical sessions to help with all of the above and build your own resources to cope with trauma.
Here are some more useful resources:
Many of us realise we worry too much. In fact nine out of 10 of us describe ourselves as worriers. And we spend nearly 2 hours a day worrying. It goes without saying that we want to stop worrying.
Yet we often don’t realise how important attitude is in determining our success and happiness in life. We may also realise that, with the wrong attitude, we can spend a lot of energy worrying. But when we say ‘he or she has a great attitiude’, what do we mean? How does that stop worrying? What is our evidence of this ‘attitude’?
Our attitude comprises of three components (or the TEA model of existence):
Thoughts, emotions and behaviour do influence each other in an interchangable, mutually dependable relationship. If I am nervous and anxious about an exam tomorrow, and stay up all night worrying about it, this is unlikely to change my view that ‘I always do crap at exams’.
“Attitude is very consequential stuff. It determines everything one does, from falling in love to voting for one candidate rather than another” Anthony Grayling, philosopher
However, it is Thoughts which are the master regulator of this interdependent system. When it comes to attitude the emphasis is on thinking as thinking powerfully influences how we feel and behave. Nevertheless, what we think and how we think can be changed; we can learn new strategies to literally ‘change our minds’ and stop worrying!
I had an interesting coaching session on this the other day that reminded me of the relationship between thoughts, emotions and behaviour and how, sometimes, people can find it almost impossible to separate them out. It is only when you can see them as separate components within a system that you can start to take control of them to work to your advantage.
My coachee had a particular issue with clients who were dissatisfied and called her to make last minute changes to deadlines or tasks. She told me it made her worry and feel anxious and agitated. In this particular context, like any situation of ‘adversity’, it is the meaning that put on the event that is the root cause of any problem!
We ‘stalked’ the issue (the negative feeling) and got her to connect to that and fully realise what that meant in her body (tight stomach, raised temperature, busy head). And then we worked on what she wanted instead (to feel calm, relaxed).
Then we went through the TEA model, looking at the adverse event (phone call from a dissatisfied client) and the thoughts and beliefs, and emotions she experienced. It took a couple of attempts to successfully separate the thoughts from the feelings; but when we did it was a real ‘ah ah’ moment for her. It was like she had been blinded by being so associated into the emotional experience that she could see the real culprits: her thoughts!
Then we worked on the thoughts. What would be alternative ways to think about that? What would so-and-so think in this situation? etc. She needed a lot of help with this: not surprising, when someone is learning something about their map of the world that they didn’t know existed!
Then, I got her to read these alternative thought streams out and ‘voila’. She told me ‘now all I feel is calm and relaxed, but with a sense of challenge’, ‘I can rise to this’. And we had it!
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
It can be difficult, in a triggered moment, to separate thoughts from feelings and emotions. But if we learn how to slow down and observe these processes we can be in a more powerful place in any situation.
My online course ‘Emotional Wellbeing’ talks more about TEA model and the ABC of thoughts and actions.
Download the ABC model here to practice in real time.
Have you ever fancied achieving a blissful state of altered consciousness without having to rely on a trip of the chemical kind? Do you want to expand the capacity of your mind? Learn without effort? Reduce your inhibitions and improve your memory? Did you know that you can reach this altered state of consciousness and achieve all this by simply lying down for 20 mins?
The literal translation of Yoga nidra is ‘yogic sleep’. Yoga Nidra is an ancient tantric method which can open new capacities of mind. It was brought to the West by the Indian guru, Swami Satyananda Saraswati, in the 60s. We are not talking about any other practice that may be called the same thing. When I refer to yoga nidra in this article and in my practice I am talking about the systematic practice developed in the Bihar school of India.
This system of yoga nidra relates to a deep sleep state where the mind is deeply relaxed but with a wide open awareness and it is one of the deepest of all meditations, and brings an incredible calmness, quietness and clarity.
Yoga Nidra is a practice which leads awareness through many levels of mental process to a state of supreme stillness, receptivity and insight. Like all yoga practices it is the persistent practise that brings about real transformation and joy. It can be considered a form of meditation. However, in meditation you remain in the waking state of consciousness and gently focus the mind whilst allowing thought patterns, emotions and sensations to come and go. In comparison, in Yoga Nidra you leave the waking state, go beyond the dreaming state into a state similar to deep sleep, whilst remaining awake. It is a very powerful state for your brain to be in!
Yoga nidra is typically led by a qualified and trained teacher and lasts 15 mins to half an hour. You lie on the floor your back or, for some practices, sit in a meditation posture. And mentally follow the instructions that you teacher talks you through.
The practice induces brain waves that are predominantly delta (0.5 to 3.5 cycles per sec): the state of deep stillness and profound openess. When you first try yoga nidra you will experience the profound relaxation that the practice brings about. And you will almost certainly fall asleep! In fact, if you suffer from disturbed sleep patterns yoga nidra is a great way to balance and restore sleep patterns. However, at some point your practice will deepen and you will experience a moment, like a flash, where you experience the breath-taking depths of yoga nidra.
As in many yoga practices, you need to be patient. There is no right or wrong. If you fall asleep that is fine: and probably what you need at that time! Whilst this is not the ultimate state that yoga nidra aims for, it is certainly of benefit to mental and physical health and encourages the brain to slow down from its active aroused beta state (14 to 30 cycles per sec) to a calmer alpha wave range (8 to 13 cps).
The stages of yoga nidra
The methods that take you up the ultimate yoga nidra state are, in themselves, very relaxing and help to train the mind. The key stages of this technique are:
The term ‘yoga nidra’ actually refers to the state of consciousness that is achieved in the ultimate practice of the technique but it is often used erroneously to refer to the various methods listed above. It is the end state not the method that is eponymous.
The overall benefits of yoga nidra include:
Educational innovators such as Dr Georgi Lozanov, a Bulgarian psychologist and the founder-director of the Institute of Suggestopedy in Sofia, are now utilizing yoga nidra to create an atmosphere in which knowledge is gained without effort. Dr Georgi Lozanov, recognizing that the state of active and relaxed awareness in students awakens the desire to learn, improves memory and reduces inhibition, has devised methods for teaching/learning of foreign languages that are three to five times faster, with the use of relaxation and music. As the class proceeds, the students effortlessly assimilate an enormous amount of knowledge, which, under conventional classroom conditions, would surely precipitate strain, tiredness and loss of concentration.
Yoga nidra is being tapped internationally as a means of improving conscious recall thereby increasing memory function. Yoga nidra is a promising technique that will revolutionize the teaching procedures in the future by enabling students to assimilate knowledge without much effort. There are students who want to learn, but their conscious mind is weak or unreceptive. Such children with learning disabilities can benefit from yoga nidra by absorbing knowledge through the subconscious mind. Such children can be taught by transmitting symbolic forms directly into his subconscious.
Yoga Nidra has also been scientifically proven to reduce the ‘psychosomatic’ illnesses caused by the general under currents of tension that we live with:
Yoga nidra will help you reach a deep state of releasing, relaxing and letting go: but really its bigger benefit is an emptying of oneself into wonder.
Sue Tupling of Embodied Living is qualified to teach and practice yoga nidra.
Relaxation is literally about letting go. Nevertheless this needs to happen on three levels for us to fully relax. We need to relax on the physical, emotional and mental levels. Once we achieve this the benefits of relaxation are immense.
The benefits of true and deep relaxation include:
People often want to relax to move away from feeling on edge, tired or exhausted. However developing the ability to relax on each of these levels means that we can actually use relaxation as a route to achieving our goals in life. This might include performing at our best under pressure, being more creative, being a better leader.
But how funny is it that when you tell someone to ‘relax’ or ‘chill out’ – perhaps because they look stressed – they have no clue as to how to do this. Good coaches or yoga teachers never tell someone to ‘relax’. If the person knew how to do this they wouldn’t be in class! Instead we show them techniques and behaviours they can use to achieve this for themselves.
The secret to relaxation is letting go. Letting go of tension, letting go of effort. At every level – physical, emotional and mental. Interestingly this can be achieved through the breath. Specifically through the exhalation. The exhalation is used in yoga asana work to move deeper into a posture or for the more strenuous postures: deep forward bends, strong backbends, twists are all moved into on the out breath. Somehow the body is more ‘forgiving’ on the exhalation; stretches are allowed more and are somehow facilitated.
The exhalation is letting go because, unlike the inhalation, the out breath does not require muscular effort. To exhale simply requires a letting go of effort. So the intercostals, scalenes, trapezius etc – the key muscles of respiration – simply relax to allow the rib cage to relax. And the diaphragm, the king of respiration muscles, can let go of its hold on the lumbar spine and relaxes upwards and the air leaves the body through the natural process of letting go. The exhalation is passive: it requires no effort. It is simply a surrender to gravity.
We can use the exhalation to relax and release in the body, which will help the mind to relax. As the body can relax into strong stretches on the exhalation, so the exhalation can be used to release tension in the body. The breath is the bridge between the body and mind: as the body releases so follows the mind.
In addition, by prolonging the exhalation we can activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the relaxation response) by enhancing vagal nerve activity. This slows the heart rate and increases heart rate variability (HRV) thereby calming and relaxing the whole body-mind system.
The opposite of relaxation is anxiety and worry. And the most amazing thing about the exhalation is that it can be used to reduce and even eliminate anxiety. It is the best technique for anxiety disorders.
Read more about breathing and breathing practices here
What is our most precious commodity? It’s our energy. Energy management is more important than time management. How we nurture and manage our precious energy is not only important for our health and vitality now, but it will ensure that as we grow older we will do so with vigour and vitality.
Whether it is yoga, aikido, martial arts, acupuncture, all these eastern philosophies recognise the human energy system. This energy – also known as Chi or prana – is our vital essence, our life-force: the source of all life. In a sense in have this subtle energy zinging throughout our bodies (and it is more electrical than anything else) we have the universe within us – for this is the energy that gave birth to the universe, universal energy). Without prana there is no life, prana can be felt in the body as different degrees of vibrations, warmth, power, pulsation, strength. We deplete this life-force when we get ill, through stress and tension (holding tension in the body creates blockages that prevent the free flow of this ‘subtle energy’) and through poor diet and lifestyle.
Prana and the pranic body is the link between the physical body and the mind – hence any disturbance in the mind will affect our energy and also any physical ailment in the body will deplete our life-force. If we can learn techniques to manage our subtle energy we will remain strong and balanced (in mind and body) and be able to ward off any mental or physical illness and increase our inner power and strength.
Given that our brain is 2% of our body mass and yet consumes 20% or more of our calorific intake (your brain eats a kit kat and 2 packets of crisps a day!), it isn’t hard to see how worry and anxiety drains prana. A busy, worrying mind uses up loads of energy and this totally depletes our subtle energy. If we think of this pranic energy as a bank account – we were born with a certain balance and it is our responsibility to build on this energy throughout our lives so that we grow more vital as we age.
Mental tension and disturbance, through worrying and anxiety, uses up a lot of this energy and ultimately leads to illness and disease. In virtually all the Eastern philoshophies all illness and disease is a result of disturbance, blockage and stagnation of this vital energy (and this explains why my friend Howard has cured himself of the apparently ‘irreversible’ disease of Parkinsons).
Prana is the subtle energy that runs through the energy ‘meridians’ or channels of the body – the nadis. This electrical energy is intimately linked to the nervous system and the balance of sympathetic and parasympathetic branches of the nervous system. Hence mental and emotional balance (balance of these two branches) nurtures and strengthens prana. Whilst prana is not breath: breath is the biggest tool we have to manipulate prana. Hence the huge importance of breath and breathing exercises (pranayama) in yoga – these practices build our energy and vitality.
Prana exists in 5 different sections which all move constantly and in different directions (the vayus). A healthy section of prana feels tingly, full of life, vital and pulsating. Numbness, heaviness, cold, all indicate that prana is stagnant or blocked. Blockage and stagnation destroy our prana – and this gives us some sense of the importance of asana in yoga – asanas remove all blockages (eventually), whether mental, emotional or physical so that our vital life-force can flow freely and keep us health and vital.
Prana is also linked to levels of consciousness. Most religions, faiths and philosophies agree that the purpose of human life is to expand our level of consciousness and to realise our true potential of self. Higher levels of prana help to elevate us to higher levels of consciousness and likewise (in my experience anyway) higher levels of consciousness help us to experience the higher levels of prana. Fleeting experiences of higher these higher levels: where consciousness becomes consumed in shimmering ethereal particles of ‘light’ moving in all directions simultaneously where the physical material body has dissolved and we, our consciousness, has no boundary, is limitless.
We can learn how to generate prana, nurture it, build up a huge store of it. But first we must learn to become aware of it – this requires a refinement of awareness (so come along to my yoga classes!). Then there are three main ways of generating prana:
For more information check out the Embodied living blog or attend one of our courses or classes.
Listen to my Podcast talk about managing energy during stressful times